all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
