I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
