He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
