she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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