69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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