She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize