Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
