I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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