I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
