I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
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He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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