And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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