Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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