but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
