The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
