That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
