I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
