Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
