this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
