No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
