Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
