I feel like abortions should bother me more
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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