I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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