I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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