D3 body, D1 cock
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
3pm strippers are depressing
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
