The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
