that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
