Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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