Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
