Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
