Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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