we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
