OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
