is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
