hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
