Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
how does that bad decision feel?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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