She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
