I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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