I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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