Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
