Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
