Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
