Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
