I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
