i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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