what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All the doctor said was why
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
