So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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