i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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