CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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