Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
