Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
