wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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