every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
