Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
