I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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