Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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