u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
