so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
