Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
