I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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