the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
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I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
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I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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