sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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