i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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