just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
