I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do vagina's smell?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
