reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
