i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
