I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
