I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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