I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize