Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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